With all the backward and forward motion (one step forward two steps back), I asked God a few times during this journey if He was on my side. (Yes, I admit it. Very immature.) I mean, this crushing has been tough on many levels, so I wondered if I was on this ride alone or if God was on my side. Or was He with the opposing team? It felt like when I was in first grade during recess, and I was the last one picked. Alone and rejected.
After my childish temper tantrum and after I nursed my wounds, Abba God revealed that He is not with me or with the other 'side.' He is for Team Jesus! God highlighted this passage to me during our family devotional, and it made sense how I had it all WRONG.
"Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, "Are you for us or for our enemies?"
"Neither," he replied, "but as commander of the army of the Lord I have now come." Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence, and asked him, "What message does my Lord have for his servant?"
~Joshua 5:13-14 (NIV)
BAM! These verses explain it perfectly. God is not for Joshua nor his enemies, but Himself. He is not for my adversaries or me, but I am supposed to be with Him. Duh!
How ridiculous of me to expect God to go with my imperfect plans versus His perfect plans. He is the creator of the universe; He knows it all. Why would I think my thoughts are superior to His? I had to seek forgiveness immediately and submit my expectations and disappointments before Him.
In all of the victories and defeats and the many unknowns, He can be trusted and I will stay with Him.
"I'm sure now I'll see God's goodness
in the exuberant earth.
Stay with God!
Take heart. Don't quit.
I'll say it again:
Stay with God." ~Psalm 27:14 (MSG)
When my kids play sports, they start with their team huddle with the captain initiating everyone to place their hand in the center and a quick chant by shouting their team name.
Well, God showed me how we are "Team Jesus" for everything. It's never "Team Susan" or "Team (whichever side I'm on)" but "Team Jesus." He is the one with the perfect game plan, and I have to believe Him…regardless of how uncomfortable and painful it may be. He knows best.
So everyone put your hands in the center, and let's shout, "JESUS"!!
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