My youngest son completed his first week of public school last week. Thankfully, every day his response to my "How was school today?" question was a positive one. He did mention how tiring it was and how uncomfortable the classroom chairs were. Well, when you compare your homeschooling days where you had breaks between classes and had a couple of lectures/day and either a cushiony couch or plump office chair to sit on, it's a no-brainer you will be exhausted and have an achy bottom by the end of the day.
He has a friend from church who attends the school and then met another his brother arranged before leaving for college. We figured he would be all set regarding lunch dates and someone to hang out with until he established more friends throughout the year. Our plans were successful the first two days, but the third day wasn't so victorious. When my son was sharing the details of his day, he casually mentioned that he sat alone for lunch. I immediately stopped what I was doing and shot him about 100 questions his way. WHAT? HOW? WHY? What happened to your friends? What about the lunch arrangement? Etc.
I asked on and on while he remained at peace and answered my questions with no concern. He provided the specifics of what happened and why he made the choices he did to sit alone for lunch. It may not be defined as a world problem, but it still pulled on my heartstrings to hear my son sitting alone in a school with nearly 3,000 students. For the rest of the afternoon, I thought of creative ways he could make more friends quickly. Brainstorming options, including my help, were limited. It's not like I could call his counselor and request the names and numbers of students' parents in my son's classes to set up playdates. Or bake extra treats so he could pass them around in class.
When I approached my ideas to my son, he continued to convey that he was fine. He said he doesn't need to prearrange anything with anyone and has it under control. Hmmm. I asked only once, "Are you sure?" He responded with assurance, "yes." And that was that. I didn't nag him about it and accepted his optimistic answer.
What that moment taught me:
-Don't try to shove my insecurities onto my son. If he says he's got it, accept it and trust him. Don't let your doubt steal your child's confidence.
-My son is resilient. He's been in situations like this before when he joined homeschooling co-ops and always came out making great friends by the end of the year.
-My baby is no longer a baby, so don't treat him like one. If I do, he will never grow up. It's not the end of the world if he sits alone for one day. (Please, God, let it only be one day.☺)
*Update: My son previewed the high school's clubs and activities list yesterday. He contemplated a variety of options, ones I was surprised with. My growing independent son shared he wouldn't know which to be involved with until he checked each of them out. Whichever ones he decides, I know he will build new friendships and have plenty of people to eat with at lunch. ☺
Learn from me, don't put limits on others when they don't need it.
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