Change is not my favorite. I think I thrive better on routine. But this kind of change was expected. I expected it for the last eighteen years. But it blew up in my face last week because it actually happened. We had one of the most significant changes (so far) in our lives when we dropped our oldest off at college. Wow! My heart definitely felt like it was on some kind of trampoline that day. It was sky-high in excitement for the new adventure our son would encounter, and then it went down low as I thought of how much we will miss him at home. And we do.
And then another change happened yesterday. My youngest went to public school for the first time. After being homeschooled his whole life and with me every single day, he is now at school. I joke that I'm out of a job now. Sort of true. lol
Many parents are experiencing this shift. Some like me are dropping off their kids at college. Others are reluctantly separating themselves from their toddlers for the first time at preschool. (I wish I could go back to those days.) Some parents even made a more significant change by releasing their children to be married and permanently removed from their homes. Whatever and wherever it is, it's a stretching time not only for the one leaving but the people staying.
For me, it's the tension in the change. One side is trusting myself or the better side, trusting God and believing He has our children and loves them more than my husband and me. I have protected my children and guarded them hypersensitively since birth, and when I dropped off my oldest at college last week, I surrendered my safeguard to believe He would do a far better job than me. I'm not thrilled about this forced growth, but I'm doing it, afraid. And I will do it again next year when my daughter leaves for college and then again three years after that when my youngest decides to go away for school. I must live an open-handed life versus a closed fist life. Living open-handed means that I let go and trust God with whatever it is that's in my hand. Basically, I am relinquishing all control (versus a closed fist that only holds it to myself) and fully trusting Him. If I truly trust Him, I live open-handed. Even though I go through the change, God remains the same. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."
~Hebrews 13:8 (NIV)
What about you? Are you living open-handed with every part of your life? Or are you trusting yourself more and remaining closed-fisted? Your family, health, job, finances, relationships, dreams, desires, addictions, insecurities, etc.?
In the beginning, it may take effort to pry open your hands, but in the long run, keeping the hands wide open and giving God complete surrender is easier and better. Try it and make it your new normal.
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