Pay Attention

Attending my younger son's scrimmage at a local high school was an eye-opening experience.  Like any other fan, I was engaged with the game, but something felt different while sitting in the stands.  It wasn't about the game itself.  Watching my son play against my alma mater, I found myself flooded with awkward feelings.  I have been in many gymnasiums in my lifetime, as all three of my kids have played indoor sports, but my emotions were different this time and at this school.  This particular high school is known to be among the highest-ranked schools in my county and the nation.  

I didn't catch it when I first walked in because my emotions were okay.  It wasn't until I sat for a few minutes that my mind started reminiscing about my high school years when I was around 15 or 16, and with those memories came insecure thoughts.  I felt inadequate as I compared myself to anyone and everyone I could think of from my teenage years.  I started to doubt myself and my decisions in my life.  What if I did this versus that?  Where would I be if I knew what I know now?  Where would I be today if I had taken this path instead of that one?  It was odd to have these questions because I knew these questions wouldn't impact my future, but they made me doubt who I was in my past.

I was also reminded of my mistakes and painful memories with my teenage friends.  My mind funneled no positive or fun thoughts about high school, only negative ones, even though, for the most part, I enjoyed my upper secondary education.

I didn't understand what triggered my memory until I remembered where I was.  There was something in that area that made my mind swirl with an unhealthy mindset.  Has that ever happened to you?  Your mindset is clear, your emotions are in check, and you're fine when you arrive at a location; however, once you spend a few minutes there, you start to feel awful about yourself.  You feel downcasted, negativity is looming, and you feel bad.  If you have experienced this before, I'm here to tell you it's not you but the spiritual atmosphere you walked into.  Many times, we get lost in our emotions instead of checking them and discerning the origin.  We must be alert and keep our radar up as the atmosphere is palpable.  We must discern whether our emotions are our own or our response to our surroundings.  For example, have you ever noticed that you become contentious, irritable, or anxious when you walk into certain stores or visit particular places?  That happened to me that day when I walked into the high school.  Being in an environment where pride and competition for worldly success are heavily emphasized made me feel inadequate.  I picked up the atmosphere around me instead of releasing the atmosphere inside of me, which was peace and joy as I was looking forward to watching my son play for the weekend.

I have to be on alert when I'm at work, especially.  Being in healthcare and encountering patients who have many life-and-death health issues can make our environment depressing.  I try my best to have my personal antennae constantly scanning to have a heightened awareness so I don't walk in and succumb to the atmosphere and then leave despondent.  

We have the option of shifting the atmosphere or partnering with it.  Once I realized what was happening to me when I sat inside the high school, I said out loud, I don't accept the atmosphere, and I rebuked it.  After I made that declaration, I was fine.  I was able to focus on my son and enjoy the game.  

Some people say not to trust your feelings, but I respectfully disagree.  Sometimes, our feelings can serve as a barometer of the atmosphere and help us navigate out of it.  Pay attention, and don't check your emotions at the door; see if they are yours or someone else's.