I can remember when my kids were learning how to walk; they would stumble and fall every few steps. And when they first started, my husband and I would rush to their aid, dust them off and get them back on their feet again. But as they became stronger and had better balance, and the falls were far and less in between, we left them while they were down for them to get back up on their own. At first, they would give us a stare, almost like a signal reminding us to rescue them as we did in the past. But once they realized we were not coming but just watching and encouraging them to do it independently, they took the initiative and became successful on their own.
This is the process we have stood by for many years. Some were easier to hang back and watch but others not so much. It's grueling to be a bystander as some blunders are more brutal to witness, but if we rescue them at the initial point, it will take longer for them to learn how to resolve problems for themselves.
I remember when my daughter was younger, a concern that required resolution had come to my attention. I prompted her to take care of it; however, she responded that if she was alone, she would, but since I was with her, she expected me to rectify it. That situation confirmed our theory.
Don't get me wrong; we don't leave all problems to their devices. We are always available to our children for advice and as a sounding board. They will always have our support, and if anything escalates, we will find a resolution together.
Now that my kids are older, I have definitely witnessed them taking the initiative to be proactive so that issues do not arise but also taking the problem by the horns and attacking it with all they know how.
As parents, we are raising future adults. And one of the best ways to do so is to allow them to be one. I would have failed as a parent if my kids always came to me for the answers. My kids must learn how to find it on their own. This builds not only skills but also confidence for their future.
Comments