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The Five Love Languages


Have you heard of the book, The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman? Dr. Chapman basically discusses how we each have a primary love language that fills our love tank. There's the way we receive love, and then there's the way we express our love to others. They can be the same or different. The five love languages are acts of service, physical touch, quality time, gifts, and words of affirmation.


Before we laid hands on this book, my husband and I would argue about what looked like the obvious to one another. For instance, my primary love language is quality time, so I desire to spend uninterrupted valuable time with my husband. I can be content eating a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner so we can have quality time together.

On the other hand, my husband, whose primary love language is acts of service, would choose to create an elaborate meal for us and spend the whole evening cooking in the kitchen than hang out with me. I would be bothered he wasn't spending quality time with me, and he would be disappointed that I wasn't enjoying his labor-intensive dishes. It wasn't until we read Dr. Chapman's book that we realized neither of us was wrong; we just didn't know how each other received love and expressed love. Can you imagine how many arguments we could've prevented if we only recognized our own love language as well as respect each other's language?


The Five Love Languages concept is not only for couples. You can apply it to any relationship that is important to you—for example, friendships or relationships with family members. I have a close friend whose love language is giving gifts. Some people are generous, but this friend goes beyond generosity. I honestly think it overflows her love tank when she gives gifts away. It doesn't even have to be anything extravagant, but she thoughtfully sows into others whenever she can.


Dr. Chapman expanded his expertise and authored The Five Love Languages for Children and another book focused on teenagers. It's paramount for us to love each of our children the way they respond best, so my husband and I read, reread, took copious notes, and tailored the way we express our love to our kids based on how they best receive it. In addition, we have family discussions to either confirm or deny our evaluations. We noticed as seasons change, their love language changes, so it's necessary to have their feedback.


If you haven't already, I humbly encourage you to read Dr. Chapman's books. Borrow a copy from the library or purchase one; it will not only help you, but it will enhance your relationships also.

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