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  • Writer's pictureitallstartsintheho

O Is For Observe

I had the opportunity to volunteer at my daughter's first-grade class (9 years ago). I loved volunteering because it gave me the opportunity to visit with my kids and watch them in their element. The week prior to my scheduled classroom date, our PTA had an event where someone had taken pictures of us parents serving the school community. Unbeknownst to me, a photo of myself was captured and posted on a slideshow in the school office. When I arrived at my daughter's class, the teacher complimented my photo. I apparently made a disapproving look for the teacher to swiftly comment, "someone is watching". I immediately caught my daughter observing me and made an instant change in my facial expression. I responded graciously back to the teacher and moved on with assisting the students in the class.

The first-grade teacher didn't just teach academic lessons that day, she taught me a life lesson. Someone is always watching and learning.

I'm the mom of three world-changing teenagers. I'm the mom of two adorable furry terriers. I'm the mom of one tiny Red-foot tortoise.

So in my house, I always have someone watching me. Human, canine, and/or a reptile.

How I assess and embrace situations is an opportunity to reveal vulnerability and transparency. It's the good, the bad, and the ugly. At first, it may seem daunting to always be "on" but honestly, I think it's healthier for me to live as an "Ahn" (my last name) than try to be someone I am not.

My kids have observed how I handle failure. I pursue the arts and entertainment industry, which gives me the chance to audition for gigs. There have been a good number of times I didn't book a gig I really desired. They are my first audience in how I react to trying new and uncomfortable activities when I have no idea of the outcome. Painfully, they have also witnessed failures that include bad decisions with unfortunate consequences. But through the many trials and tribulations, they have supported the steady growth of personal development. My win equals their win.

With the modeling and acting profession, comes much criticism about one's physical appearance. The thoughts of being thinner, taller, and more stunning than the next person seem to float in and out of your mind like a boat out at sea. However, with three sets of eyes and ears sensitive to my words, I have to be conscientious of how I perceive my body and respond to my appearance. Reminding them and me how powerful my body is just the way God created it. Accepting what we think is imperfect is actually defined as perfect in heaven's terms.

They can testify what it looks like when my husband and I argue. How we try to communicate and how we (sometimes) successfully agree to disagree. When they were younger, we tried not to have heated discussions in front of them and made it a point to speak in Korean or continue our discussion in a separate room from them. However, now they are teenagers we find it essential they learn how we try to strengthen our relationship by pursuing conflict resolutions.

It's hard but I have to remember it's not about being right but about the wholeness (heart) of the relationship. As we raise teenagers into adults, we are laying a firm foundation on the value of relationships, which include challenges and conflicts.

Covid 19 requires us to wear masks to protect us from an invisible virus. However, I protect my family by requiring them to take off the invisible masks of inauthenticity. If you can't be vulnerable and transparent at home, then where can you be? I desire my home to be a place where it is safe for you to be you and for me to be me.

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Jun 02, 2021

Very impactful!

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